Gilligan's Diary of Duke
by tsha3217
Summary: Gilligan took quite a beating, both physically and mentally, during Big Man on a Little Stick. Here's his thoughts on Duke, the girls reactions and filling in the blanks between scenes...Edited for clarity, but still in Gilligan-ese.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Diary,

This morning I went fishing at the lagoon. I'd just caught my pet fish Irving…named after my favorite member of The Mosquitos…when all of a sudden this surfer rode in and landed on the beach. I know…Skipper and I couldn't believe it either then Professor arrived and said he rode here on a Salami or something. It's a big wave caused by an underwater earthquake he said. The surfer's name is Duke Williams and when I asked if he could surf back and get us rescued he said sure. I helped him back to the hut and tried to find out more about him and how he got here, but he kept saying things like gidget. Wahine. Grimmee. Hanging 10. Tubes and stuff. I guess we've been gone so long there's a whole new language forming…and I hadn't even gotten the hang of the old one…Oh well I gotta go get Duke some food so he can start training to head back to Hawaii!

Later...

Back at the hut. Writing this sitting across from Duke. He just devoured a whole tree of bananas. It's like he's half-ape, half-man. That would be cool…or maybe scary. Guess we'll never know. Duke's wearing my pants which is kinda funny. They don't even come down to his ankles and their skin tight. I offered him my t-shirt too but he pointed to his body and said something about not putting a shirt on Michael Angelo's David. I don't know what people are doing with their kids back home these days but if Duke doesn't want to where the shirt that's fine with me.

Later still...

Wrongway Feldman said this island was out of the hustle-and-bustle of society but for a relaxing paradise things sure do change quick. No sooner had I left our hut then Skipper came up from the direction of the Professor's and told me the rescue was off. This made me mad because I was off to tell the girls and the Howells about Duke and it woulda made them get over my destroying that weather balloon a coupla weeks ago. I told Skipper how Duke talked all about his muscles and said once he built them back up he could do anything. But Skipper said muscles or no muscles Duke had to stay. I thought sometimes life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wished the Professor was dumb!

It's funny Mary Ann's always telling me and Ginger's always telling Professor we don't talk to them enough or share our feelings. Now I had a great story and all kinds of feelings about it to tell yet I barely got out the words "surfer" and "muscles" before the girls took off for my hut to meet him. Sometimes I just don't get it with girls (maybe all the times). Skipper keeps telling me I should ask Mary Ann on a date. I like her awright, but I'm going to wait till I have girls completely figured out before I start dating. I don't think that should take too long.

At the Howell's it was the same. They thought they met Duke in England or France or one of those continents. Then they threw me out and told me to invite him to their hut for cocktails. I'm not too bright but even I can see that's not going to go well.

Skipper told me to hide Duke's surfboard in the supply hut so he won't try to surf away on it. After that I've got chores to finish. Then maybe I'll go hang out with Duke. It might be nice having a boyfriend…I mean a friend boy….I mean a boy that's a friend on the island. More later.


	2. Chapter 2

LATE MORNING…

If itz possible to do something wrong even when you do it right I'd be a champ. It took me half an hour to hide Duke's surfboard in the back of the supply hut like Skipper told me, but by the time I got back to our hut he told me I didn't have to bother. Duke decided not to try to surf back to Hawaii after all. Skipper said the girls changed his mind and then for some reason he winked at me. I don't know what happened. Maybe the girls baked him a coconut cream pie…that would change my mind about a lot of things.

I didn't stay mad for long because next Skipper told me that Duke and the girls were meeting down at the lagoon then he winked again. I sure hope Skipper is able to get whatever is in his eye out. But right now I think it sounds like fun to hang out with Duke, Ginger and Mary Ann at the beach. In fact I'm so excited I think I'm gonna run all the way down there…what could it hurt?

IN MY HAMMOCK…

Running down to the beach CAN hurt…it can hurt a whole lot! In both my head and my heart. The Professor thinks I might have a concussion. He wants me to stay in the hut with a cold rag on my head so I'll try to write down what happened in case my head is permanently damaged…though Skipper says that happened years ago.

Anyway I started running through the jungle to the lagoon to find Duke and the girls. It seemed like it would be fun, swimming and joking, maybe Duke could teach me how to surf- it seems pretty easy. Skipper's been like a father to me, Professor is like the nice teacher in school and the Howells like the rich aunt and uncle I never had, but to pal around with people my own age and a cool guy like Duke was something I'd been hoping for. Guess I was pretty excited and got going faster and faster. I pushed aside the last palm frond and ran right into a tree I forgot was there. Turns out it wasn't a tree it was Duke. First the front of my head hit his arm then the back of my head hit the ground. At least the ground had a layer of sand. Duke was hard as a rock.

Having done this kinda thing before…often…I knew what usually came next: Skipper yelled and then the girls, particularly Mary Ann, came to my aid. Fortunately Skipper wasn't there (though he woulda been softer to run into than Duke). Unfortunately, the girls didn't come to help me. Instead I heard "Oh Gilligan" and "Be careful" in angry tones. I expected it from Ginger. I mean she's really nice for a big movie star, but she doesn't like being interrupted or having sand kicked on her which I guess I did. The worst part was I thought I heard Mary Ann's voice too. At the time though all I was sure of was the stars in front of my eyes and that my hat was God knows where.

Right now my head feels like Skipper's after trying to get away from Kona so I'll have to write the rest later…


	3. Chapter 3

**Gilligan's completed diary entry of the beach scene with allusions to other episodes. Thanks for reading.**

WITH A SLIGHTLY LESS POUNDING HEAD…

The Skipper says the only time I open my mouth is to switch feet. Heck if I was that flexible I woulda limbo danced under Duke's arm instead of running into it. I guess he really means I say the wrong thing at the wrong time and I did it again lying there at Duke's feet.

I could say my brains were scrambled but that's pretty much my normal state. It was more a combination of wanting to be liked by Duke and the fact that I ran into him that made me look up and say, "Did I hurt you?"

Looking back my standard "I'm sorry!" woulda been a better choice. I'm usually good for a half dozen of those a day anyway, but it's too late now.

Duke shook his head and rolled his eyes. I heard girl's laughter and this time I was sure Mary Ann was part of it. Still when Duke bent down to help me up I thought things would be OK. Boy was I wrong…again. Duke grabbed me under the arms, but when he got me to the point I could stand I just kept going, like I was wearing a jetpack- you know, if such a thing existed. He didn't stop till he was holding me over his head and saying something about the wind and a fistfulla hammers.

Finally he put me down kinda hard, but he was smiling so I smiled too until I noticed him looking down at his left arm and making a fist. Back on the playground at home Fatso Flanagan and the other guys called it "making a muscle". They used to do it to show off for girls or prove who was strongest, but none of them ever had a muscle like Duke. Not even close.

It wasn't just that Duke had the biggest muscle I'd ever seen, it was that until then I never thought one could get that size. At first I thought he somehow inserted a coconut into his arm then I realized I never saw a coconut that huge on the island. I guess my mouth dropped open and my eyes got wide because after admiring his muscle for a second Duke looked at me and his smile grew wider. Or maybe that was because Ginger made a sound like she'd had the breath knocked out of her- sucking in air and letting out an "oooo". Then I heard another voice and the pain went from head to my heart in an instant. "Ooohh…amazing!" cried Mary Ann and I knew I was sunk.

Duke strutted across the beach and started exercising while the girls watched going all "wow" and "ahh" and stuff. I decided to compare my own muscle but I knew it wasn't going to go well. Back on the playground the only one I beat was Skinny Mulligan and he weighed only 80 pounds in High School and had arms like pipe cleaners…and the others still said it was close.

I made a muscle but instead of a boulder like Duke I got something that looked like a dying fish on the deck of the Minnow. I asked it to do something but all it did was flop once and lie there.

Then it got even worse. I didn't want them to think I just came there to hang out with them so I started pretending I was looking for Skipper. I asked if anyone had seen him but no one seemed to hear. Duke kept exercising and the girls just stared up at him the way Skipper looks at the 48 ounce steak when we go for the Wednesday Early Bird Special at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. I even made a Skipper fat joke which along with my impressions of the Howells and Professor always had the girls laughing when we were at the beach…but nothing, just more grunting from Duke and sighing from the girls. I took one last look at Mary Ann ignoring me and then skulked away.

At first I thought of running off and living in a cave, but decided I'd save that for something more serious…like if all my hair fell out or something. Instead I went to the Professor's. He said he could help the pain in my head but not in my heart. Before I left he said something like "If you can't join 'em beat 'em" or "If you can't beat her join him" or something. I think I finally figured out what he meant.

I have a plan…and it's sure to get me back in with Duke and the girls! I'll write the results later…


End file.
